Restless.....

I'm so tired...

I haven't slept at all this week....
I feel as though my heart is a hundred miles away. Which in a way.. Is true.

She's out of town this week, and we haven't been able to talk in any way.
Normally I can sleep when she isn't near... Not very well, but at least its sleep. But this week... Not even close.. I feel as though the Earth is just pulling, and pulling, and pulling.... I'm so tired....

Last night I was talking to her. We were actually having a great conversation.... Then I realized she wasn't really there. And as embarrassing as it is to be talking to a wall for almost an hour, I still cried...

I miss her....
So very, very much....

Just So You Know

So here's something that anyone who reads this should know...

When someone says "I need some time alone" what they really mean is "Hold me."
When they walk away angry, what they want is someone to come after them.

People are programmed to be in a relationship. We are "relational" beings. When someone close to us is in pain, we can sense it, even if they try to hide it...
Our natural response is to want to help, unfortunately we don't always know how to help.
I'm working on a solution to that....

I'll let you know if I figure it out...

That is all for now.

It's like this, you see....

She asked me to come see her. She performs, you see. On stage. As an actress/dancer. So of course I said yes. I went over early. So we could be together for a bit before she went on. That did not work so well. She had to prepare you see. So the little time we did have (between make-up, hair- dressing, etc) was spent finding conversation that was "safe." The things we are able to speak of freely number very few. The topics we need to address the most are numbered greatly. But, as you can guess, these topics are more.... private. Don't worry, these topics are "safe" but also private. A matter of "you are the one to whom I confess my deepest fears and greatest dreams." I wish that I might be available more often to her. But.... We have parents, you see. And in so very many ways, parents are the greatest gift that God has given us. And yet.... In so very many ways.... Parents are the harshest punishment a person can endure.

In her eyes I can see the pain and in her letters I can hear the hurt.
In my arms I can feel her crying.
In her blood, I feel the pain.

And in my heart....


I scream.

When You Ask

You ask me how much I Love you....
My mind races to find an answer.
Not because I do not know the answer...
But because... I have no way to tell you....
Not in a form that you can understand.

Please... Don't misunderstand me...
I do Love you.
And I do not think of you as....
"Not having the intelligance"
But rather....
I do not know how to translate the language of my heart.

My Love for you knows no bounds.
My Love for you grows every day.
My Love you nearly knocks me to the ground.
My Love for you....
Escapes my grasp every time I try to answer you.

I Love you.
Those three words have meaning far beyond the reaches of my understanding.
And I wish.... I wish that I could tell you exactly how I feel...

But I know not how....

And In Your Eyes....

Sight is a wonderful thing. With it we can discover new things, explore new ideas, experience life in extraordinary ways. Sight is something that people take for granted. We constantly have our eyes open. Always seeing, always looking.
We forget that some people can't see.
We forget that sight is not just for seeing.

It's also a form of communication.

Look at someone. Watch them. Study the way they do things. Look at the way they move. The way they speak with their body. You'll learn more about them in a few hours than you would in any other way.

Look into their eyes when you speak with them.

What do you see?