I am new in Him

It's been a while since I wrote my last post... Apologies for the delay, but I also have a reason.

Recently I went to a church summer camp. And before you go "oh... just another camper spreading his Jesus around" let me tell you about it.

Camps like this one have been a part of my life ever since... well for as long as I can remember. And every camp is different, and a few of them have changed my life.
This one has.

Camp this year was an escape for me. Things weren't going well at home, my social life was... well... pretty much one big lie. And on and on. So I went on a drive with my Youth Group, and 2 hours later the world was left behind us. Breathe in, breathe out. We're at camp and nothing can touch me. Or so I thought.
But God had other plans. He was going to show several things. First, that He Loves me literally beyond human comprehension. He showed how much He loves me (by the way... I have not an exactly.... "christian" life) on the first night. And it knocked me to my knees and stole my breathe away. I rededicated myself to Him that night. After that, every lesson was an eye opener for the things I've been doing wrong, and what I had to do to get my life back in line. Well... on day 4 He told me that it was time to give all of myself, or live apart from Him... And trust me.... I did NOT want to do either....
Because, you see... The part I was holding back... was my girlfriend... And I Love her more than the usual I love you that bf/gf's exchange.
So... literally heart broken, I gave up. I gave God everything I had to give Him. Which leaves me with nothing. But you know... I'm glad to give it to Him. Because in His hands things always come out better than anything I can do on my own. And He doesn't take away what you have and literally leave you with nothing. He gives it all back... 1000 times greater than ever before.
It might be a while before I get her back. But in the meantime, I have God, and He's gonna get me through any pain, any trouble, any obstacle life throws at me. Until the day that I am the man He wants me to be.


And that day.... I can't wait to see :)

First...... and Last

Running in a race. Competing in a talent show. Getting back to the fridge for that last piece of cake.
Just a few things that we want to be first to do. If you ask someone, usually the last thing they tell you is "God's eyes."
I have noticed that so many things get put at the front of our schedules that we forget to put God in there and make Him first. We do everything that is expected of us, we strive to be the best at what we do, but... can you honestly say that you strive do literally everything that He asks you to do, the first time?

Running in a race. Competing in a talent show. Getting off the train.
A few things where we don't want to be last. If you ask someone, they will most likely tell you that they don't want to be last in anything. They want be people to see them at the front succeeding, not at the back where they might as well be failing.
I have noticed that sometimes the one thing that we should be doing first, fulfilling God's plan, is the last thing on our minds....  What makes Him last?


So, I have a challenge for anyone, and everyone... A challenge to make the day to day routine come second. And start making God the first thing you think about. Every day.

A Request

May I come over for a while? I would like to talk to you. It's nothing important, or serious.... Actually I would like nothing more than to just be there with you while you go about the day.... Let me know what you think on that...
I'll be waiting.

Restless.....

I'm so tired...

I haven't slept at all this week....
I feel as though my heart is a hundred miles away. Which in a way.. Is true.

She's out of town this week, and we haven't been able to talk in any way.
Normally I can sleep when she isn't near... Not very well, but at least its sleep. But this week... Not even close.. I feel as though the Earth is just pulling, and pulling, and pulling.... I'm so tired....

Last night I was talking to her. We were actually having a great conversation.... Then I realized she wasn't really there. And as embarrassing as it is to be talking to a wall for almost an hour, I still cried...

I miss her....
So very, very much....

Just So You Know

So here's something that anyone who reads this should know...

When someone says "I need some time alone" what they really mean is "Hold me."
When they walk away angry, what they want is someone to come after them.

People are programmed to be in a relationship. We are "relational" beings. When someone close to us is in pain, we can sense it, even if they try to hide it...
Our natural response is to want to help, unfortunately we don't always know how to help.
I'm working on a solution to that....

I'll let you know if I figure it out...

That is all for now.

It's like this, you see....

She asked me to come see her. She performs, you see. On stage. As an actress/dancer. So of course I said yes. I went over early. So we could be together for a bit before she went on. That did not work so well. She had to prepare you see. So the little time we did have (between make-up, hair- dressing, etc) was spent finding conversation that was "safe." The things we are able to speak of freely number very few. The topics we need to address the most are numbered greatly. But, as you can guess, these topics are more.... private. Don't worry, these topics are "safe" but also private. A matter of "you are the one to whom I confess my deepest fears and greatest dreams." I wish that I might be available more often to her. But.... We have parents, you see. And in so very many ways, parents are the greatest gift that God has given us. And yet.... In so very many ways.... Parents are the harshest punishment a person can endure.

In her eyes I can see the pain and in her letters I can hear the hurt.
In my arms I can feel her crying.
In her blood, I feel the pain.

And in my heart....


I scream.

When You Ask

You ask me how much I Love you....
My mind races to find an answer.
Not because I do not know the answer...
But because... I have no way to tell you....
Not in a form that you can understand.

Please... Don't misunderstand me...
I do Love you.
And I do not think of you as....
"Not having the intelligance"
But rather....
I do not know how to translate the language of my heart.

My Love for you knows no bounds.
My Love for you grows every day.
My Love you nearly knocks me to the ground.
My Love for you....
Escapes my grasp every time I try to answer you.

I Love you.
Those three words have meaning far beyond the reaches of my understanding.
And I wish.... I wish that I could tell you exactly how I feel...

But I know not how....

And In Your Eyes....

Sight is a wonderful thing. With it we can discover new things, explore new ideas, experience life in extraordinary ways. Sight is something that people take for granted. We constantly have our eyes open. Always seeing, always looking.
We forget that some people can't see.
We forget that sight is not just for seeing.

It's also a form of communication.

Look at someone. Watch them. Study the way they do things. Look at the way they move. The way they speak with their body. You'll learn more about them in a few hours than you would in any other way.

Look into their eyes when you speak with them.

What do you see?

"I'm giving him a hug goodbye"
"Like he hasn't had enough already(r/e)"

"I haven't..."


So hold me a little closer.
Wrap your arms around me,
And I'll pull you near.
Hold me a little longer.
Sit here beside me, and I'll stay a while.

In your arms I find peace.
With you I feel complete.

So hold me a little closer, Love...

I'm Hooked on a Feeling

I can't stop this feelin' deep inside of me
Girl, you just don't realize what you do to me
When ya hold me in your arms so tight
You let me know everything's all right

I'm hooked on a feelin'
High on believin' that you're in love with me

Lips are sweet as candy, the taste stays on my mind
Girl, you keep me thirsty for another cup of wine
I got it bad for you, girl but I don't need a cure
I'll just stay addicted and hope I can endure

All the good love when we're all alone
Keep it up, girl, yeah ya turn me on

I'm hooked on a feelin'
High on believin' that you're in love with me

All the good love when we're all alone
Keep it up, girl, yeah ya turn me on

I'm hooked on a feelin'.....

When You're Gone

I'm down the street a few short blocks.
And I miss you.

I'm walking out the front door after spending the day at your place.
And I miss you.

I'm at the airport waiting for your flight to land.
And I miss you.


When I'm here, and you're there, and it's not the same place...
No matter where I am, it's a lonely, lonely place.

My heart aches to hear it's echo from yours.
I shake from the cold that envelopes me when we must part.

I can't stand to be away, from you...
People say that time apart makes us closer...
For me... It just hurts.

Every moment of every day, hurts... because you aren't near.
To hear silence where the sound of you should be, is deafening.
To feel the wind on my skin where the touch of you should be, is like ice.



When You're Gone... I want nothing more than to be with you again.

If I Had A Penny

If I had a penny for every time I thought of you,
I'd have a penny.

Because once I started thinking of you, I never stopped.
In everything I do, everything I read, everything I see and feel,
You are there.


In my mind thoughts of you are quietly shouting.
In my head your voice echoes again and again.
I can hear your laugh when a joke is told.
I can hear you breathing next to me when quietly I rest.


You're on my mind, you're in my heart.
My dearest Love,
Won't you stay by my side?

Thanks

To: 
The World
RE: 
Life
Message:
I have come to realize a lot of things recently. The least of which being that I don't like mushrooms :P
The greatest realization being that a great many things are taken for granted. For example; that sandwich you ate for lunch today,  or the fact that your T.V. still works, or the people you met this week(old friends and new acquaintances alike), or that you even woke up today. So just keep that idea in mind while I continue.

My point is this: Every day is a gift, and should be treasured as thus.
The people you meet, the things you do, the sandwiches you eat, are all part of a plan that was set in motion the day you came into the world.
Pretty crazy, isn't it?

So what did you do today? Anything extraordinary? Was it just an 'average' day?
I know that my day was, to most people, just an average day. But I had an absolutely amazing time doing 'average' things. I got to spend time with some pretty great people. I got to hug my most favoritest person ever. She lay her head on my shoulder for a few seconds and it made me feel like I could fly. 

So take joy in the simple things that He gives you every day. Each breath is an opportunity to share the joy that He gives. To share His Love with others.
God Loves you. In every way imaginable and then a whole lot more.

BTW- That Sandwich.... He made it extra tasty just for you.

Just the Sight of You

I'm feeling down,
I'm getting mad at nothing.
I glare at everyone,
My words are laced with hurt.

I called you just to say hi.
We go back and forth in our playful way.
But still....
I feel.... wrong.

Its nothing I can specify.
It's nothing I can fix...
I guess I'll just wait till this feeling passes....



I stopped by on my way home.
And my visit was nothing short of wonderful.
I walked in, expecting to say hi and leave again.
But instead, my whole mindset was reset and restored,
When you walked into view.

You came into sight and everything was better.

Thank you.
Thank you for being the definition of amazing.
Thank you for being everything I could ask for and more.

One More Thing

My day was not the best,
My head hung lower than usual.

But then you called me

And my gray skies turned blue
My heavy heart got so much lighter.
I felt as though I could fly.

And then you had to leave....


"But it's been a few minutes," I said...


"I know, but I have to leave."

Once again my heart fell towards the ground.


"Okay... Can I call you later?" I asked with hope.


"Sure, I'll be here then."


"Okay," I replied in glee.


"Talk to you later, bye."


"Oh!" I call trying to catch you before you hang up.
"Just one more thing."

"What's that?" you ask me.

"I Love you. Always."

And So Much More

Because You have so much more value ,

Because I think you are an work of art so great,

Because I love you....

I would give up this and so much more,

To be with you. 

My Angel Without Wings

You say you could be my Angel,
If only you had wings.
That you and I would fly off,
To go places, do anything.

If only you had wings,
You could wrap them tight around me.
But what about your arms?
They do just fine. Better, possibly.

If only you had wings,
You could catch me when I fall.
You’d lift me up when I’m down,
You could be there when I call.


But what you don’t seem to realize,
Is just one of many things;

You’re already my Angel,
My Angel without wings.